(Weeks 7) Blog Four Checkpoint
- Natt Pano
- Sep 3, 2024
- 9 min read
Updated: 14 hours ago
{I'm sorry. It's A LOTš. I will continue the daily updates within the weekly blogs (expect two blogs for the blog 4 submission). This is slay for me, as I get more therapy writing timeš. Also, thank you for accepting the position as my therapist (for the semšš»). }
Context and current process:
A quick recap: I am designing a capstone project within 12 weeks, which I will document in my blogs and show my progress on Miro. For this week's progress, I decided to focus on the ideating phase of my project. I achieve this by sketching some concept drawings of the VR environment. While making progress, I also constantly gathered feedback to ensure I remained on track with the three primary goals (mental health, environment comfort, and enhanced interactions) of my research question, Ā "How might we support New Zealand's international university students' mental health, improving their interactions with domestic students by creating a comfortable environment in a Virtual Reality space?". I have also been focusing on other assignments, which explains the semi-small progress. In terms of my current process for the next week (8), I will hopefully gather all feedback for the concept designs and begin my development process. However, I did do quick laptop sketches of VR environment developments if I suddenly thought of an idea. It's best to draw them down before forgetting itšÆ. In addition, get started on logo designing. I also will rearrange the content in my miro (I need it to be perfect, or it will bother me for eternityš„¹). I will also dedicate time to the other assignments, the updated version of the presentation, which will state the overview of the developed project idea (I will display images in the week eight blogš«”).
Chosen Model:
I will continue to incorporate the 'What? So What? Now What?' model in this blog. I have grown a connection with itš. On a real note, I want to improve how I use this model within my reflective writing and the feedback given in the previous blog.
[Figure 1: Rolfe et al., (2001) reflective model What? So what? Now what?]
What?
[11th September] Itās my birthday!š (I'm getting olderš„ŗ). However, Iām still sick and have assignments due at midnight. Best way to spend my birthdayš. Nah, on a real note, itās okie. Although I had to work most of the day, I was doing it in the presence of my family, so slayyš š». I tend to work better with background noise, so it actually helped. I'm such an odd person. I either have to work with various background noises (I'm talking store music, people chatting, and listening to my music simultaneously) or do the opposite, having no noise but my ASMR videos.
Anyway, I have some drawings to showš. Lowkey, my favourite part of this whole degree is drawing ideas. Not gonna lie, but I thought of these ideas and drew them in less than 35 minutes š.Ā I needed them for the presentation, and I was speed-running. Also, this is because I was still sick when doing this, and it was my birthday; I wasnāt lazy, just busyš„¹. Although, I feel like it was a good thing. I got a lot done for those presentation slides. Less stress later, you knowšš š».Ā
[Figure 2, 3, & 4: Concept drawings VR Space. My Miro.]
[12th September] Today was not it. So buckle up šæš„¤Thereās going to be a lot of yapping (respectfullyšš). We had a presentation practice for my 301 class, which we didnāt do. Regardless of being sick, I stayed up doing the work, literally forced myself to get out of bed the next day and write my script on the transport ride to uni. The reason why Iām telling you this is because I wasted a whole dayš.
I understand that people get sick suddenly (trust me. Iām literally experiencing it), but it would be appreciated if there was an earlier notice about cancellingš„¹. I could have slept in and focused on recovering and working at home. However, I need to remember that mistakes happenš„¹. Also, this gave me time to overview my final idea, so slayš š».
You would probably think, āOh, you have the rest of the dayā You're right. I was planning to finalise my idea with the Fablab expert. However, that didnāt go according to plan. I ended up waiting for my turn, and I used that time to look at the report.šā¦ kind of wish I didnāt. After asking my friend how to do one section, the whole thing went downhill, mentallyš. I thought I knew what I was doing, but I understood wrong.
To be frank, I hate when that happens. You began to believe you have everything under control, then š„, you donāt š. That completely ruined my entire day. I literally cried because of the frustration from the presentation and the fact that the report is an existing thingšš (I apologise; being sick makes me more extremely emotional). Anyway, regarding the report (I said this before), Iām not fond of research. It makes me feel like I have so much on my plate and somehow forget how to deal with all my work. I feel so overwhelmed because of it; itās not even funny. Iām going to break-down just sparing it a thought. Oh my, being sick and dramatic isnāt helpingš„ŗ. Sorry for the language, but I donāt know how the fuck Iām going to complete all the report stuff while also wanting good grades. Iām actually scared about it.Ā
[13th September] (Friday 13th ooooo spookayšÆ. Iām sorryš Iām embarrassed of myself through writingš I could delete it, but im keeping it inš).Ā
I just completed the report writing for the check-in one assignmentš. All I can say is no. Itās wasnāt it. Not my cup of teaš. I knew what I was doing but didnāt. I wrote it and now am hoping for the best. I feel sorry for the ones who have to read it. Itās so long, yet still not completed (4,000-something words)š„ŗ Lowkey giving me anxiety, but thatās not a "me" problem until I get my results back. I donāt want the results. The lecturers can keep themš. Iām not ready for the stress it will create for me.
This is off-topic, but it relates to research. Considering the feedback from my previous blog (which was very helpful. Thank youšš»), we need researchš. I'm crying inside, but anything for good gradesš. I already expressed my passion for not being fond of research, so to further support that passion, I will include secondary research in this aspect of my blogš. That's one way to do itš.
{side note: The fact that I can't find research to back up my point for not liking research will make me lose my mind. It's been an hour's worth of searching. I'm actually going to have a breakdown because of it. I'm suppressing my thoughts right nowšš.}
I finally found something, I thinkšš„². According to the site, 'The Borderland of Value: examining student attitudes towards secondary research', Jacqueline Courtney Klentzin, the author, shared an experience with her students, encountering an unexpected response to her question, "Who enjoyed conducting secondary research?". Excluding one student, who hesitantly agreed, the remaining students disapproved (Klentzin, 2010). These freshman-year students considered secondary research unpleasant, resulting in a negative attitude toward the activity (Klentzin, 2010). Although I'm not a freshman student, I wholeheartedly agree with them, except that one studentš. Also, I'm sorry if that's shit (sorry for the language as wellš„¹).
[15th September] I think my sickness is getting worseš I'm actually getting sick of it (ah ha ha. Pun. I'm sorry)š. I'm trying to work, but I also want to sleep desperately. Should I rest and recover or fail?š„¹ I am not fond of this. Also, today I did fuck all (sorry for the language. Swearing expresses how I feelš„²). Writing this part of my blog is the only time I was productive today. I'm doing it to complain (as you can't tell already, I like complaining š not a good thing, but it mentally helps me balance my emotions, heh). Resuming the daily reflection, I need to figure out something to get me to work and look after myself. The thing is, I don't know howš(this isn't "smiley face, I'm happy"; it's more "help me, I'm going to have a mental breakdown soon" š). However, I do my work in the morning, and I'm not talking 6 am or 10 am, nooooo, I'm talking 12 am to 4 am. Is that smart? No. Will I continue doing it? Yes š. I still get decent sleep, though. That's if I don't wake up early the next day. Daytime mornings suck anyway (my opinion, though. The reader might think differently, and I respect that).
[16th September] No, because I just realised. I'm going to feel and look like a dead person when going to class. I can't just stay home all semester because I'm unwillingly sickš. On top of that, I literally can't forget when I cried in class because I came to uni for no reason. I know it's embarrassing, but in my defence, I was sick and tired and had to travel 2 hrs to uni and 2 hrs back. Like, come on now, I have all the right to cryš„ŗ I don't care if I get judged anyway. Good thing I'm not overthinking about itš.
So what?
I should have stayed home if I was feeling like shitš. Nah, on a real note. I should have considered the fact I wasn't okie on that day. I thought about too many tasks my already tired brain couldn't handle. I honestly feel bad for the lecturer as she felt bad that I came despite being sickš„¹. I made her feel like shit. I couldn't even stop myself from crying like I was too tired. It's kind of embarrassing now I think about itš. I wish I could have hidden my emotions better so that my actions wouldn't affect the teacher. I should have been happy that the presentation got postponed.
I should have prioritised my physical and mental health. I put university first, which I should avoid doing in the future. My mind wasn't in the right state, so applying more pressure and new information wasn't the right decision. I need to be more considerate and aware of the consequences.
I have to consider reality. The fact I was trying to collect all my thoughts and problems at once made the situation unbearable. I sometimes plan and expect a lot from myself without setting mental health boundaries. I have so much I want to achieve, yet I don't acknowledge that I can't mentally handle it. I reminded myself that, especially during my sick daysš„¹.
Regarding work progress, I need to improve my multitasking or balance my projects with my personal life. During this week, I only did a little of my progress work, as I was focusing on the presentations and the content it required. Without this balance, I might face the consequences of falling behind, which I don't wantš°.
I should be less pessimistic about the tasks I am not the best at. The fact that I'm attempting and completing it should be enough to be proud of myself. I am just used to being in a negative mindset due to my past experiencesš.
Now What?
Try improving my sleep routine, or at least get more than five hours of sleep (for sickness, as it impacts how I work). Hopefully, it can also help prevent me from getting sick again.
Take daytime naps as study breaks (I know it sounds childish, but I lowkey think it might helpš). This plan will fail, though, if I feel any sort of stress or anxiety. Once that kicks in, I could give two shits about my mental health, respectfully. I can deal with that later but can't deal with another semester of uniššš» (still working on prioritising my mental health, hehš).
I should not leave things last minute or at least finish the work the night before. I also need to find a way to be more organised without making a schedule. Writing down a specific way of doing things (to-do list) pressures me a lot and makes me feel like I have to do it at that time and in the correct order, which makes me not want to do it, you know?Ā I would rather not experience thatš„¹.Ā
I could consider work as a space for me to complain. Hear me out; If I trick myself into thinking my 301 and 302 work is a task that involves complaining, then I can surely get motivated enough to do it and then complain about it. Win-win situation š. I'm literally complaining right now at midnight (literally proving the points I've made above).
Miro Progress:
{Not the usual screenshots I would use, but I can't really take them now, as I have made progressš„². I'm sorry. The next week will look betterš¤.}
[Figure 3: Overview: progress and methodology timelines, My Miro] ^^^
Here are two videos that will hopefully make you feel better :)). The one involving a man helping people and animals made me cryš„¹. Have a good dayāØ.
Credit: Fueki7. Tiktok.
Credit: Tommy the Blue Staffy. Instagram.
References:
Borton, T. (1970). Reach Touch and Teach: Student Concerns and Process Education. McGraw-Hill, New York.
Ddocs. (2024 April 10). GrammarlyĀ (8.912.0 version) [Large language model].
Driscoll, J. (1994). Reflective practice for practise. Senior Nurse, 13, 47 -50.
Fueki7. (2024, March 28). Fueki. Tiktok.
Klentzin, J.Ā C. (2010). The borderland of value: examining student attitudes towards secondary research,Ā 38(4), 557-570. Emerald Insight.
Panossian, N. (2024). Overview: progress and methodology timelines. Miro.
Rolfe, G, Freshwater, D., Jasper, M. (2001). Critical Reflection for Nursing and the Helping Professions: A User's Guide.Ā Palgrave MacMillian.
The University of Edinburgh. (2020). What? So what? Now what?Ā The University of Edinburgh. https://www.ed.ac.uk/reflection/reflectors-toolkit/reflecting-on-experience/what-so-what-now-what
Tommy the Blue Staffy. (2024, March 28). tommybluestaff. Instagram.
Comments